Figuring It Out

We are back ranking presidential elections and figuring stuff out.

Feb 16, 2024

I’m not sure about you, but I am enjoying the Constitutional crisis we are slowly entering. It’s the same excitement I had back in high school as I inched closer to taking the SAT, knowing the outcome would be terrible and the consequences could mean I’d end up not going to college because I was too stupid.

As I mentioned last week – we could have a former president who is facing dozens and dozens of indictments be convicted and then win the election this fall because we are stupid.

Then what?

While this is not an Ask Me Anything edition, the only answer I can gather is: We will figure it out.

Now, what we are facing is undoubtedly unprecedented. But as a country, we have faced some challenging situations where we didn’t know what to do. A lot of times, the white guys who wrote the original rules didn’t know what to do, and yet, somehow, we figured it out.

Much like Anonymous, who reconciles our monthly financial budget, she needs to figure out what the heck I spend all of our money on. She probably asks herself: Is this book purchased for Okay History stuff? Are you even going to read it? Is this a grocery expense or a work expense? Christopher, why do you make this process so challenging?

I’m sure we all experience this regular occurrence; your partner grinds through expenses to ensure the both of you have money to live.

You just figure it out.

Let’s look at this positively – we should be happy that, as Americans, we are resilient. Our institutions are strong no matter the threats. Despite the DEEP STATE, outright traitors, and numerous incompetent actions taken by equally incapable people, The United States of America remains a pretty good place to live.

Because throughout history, we had to figure it out.

This brings us to the following two presidential rankings, demonstrating that we figured it out during the country’s most challenging moments despite the choices voters were presented with.

So, let’s get to the election of 1852. As a country, we were struggling to figure out what to do with slavery.

Let's dive in.

53: The Presidential Election of 1852

Election Date: November 2, 1852

The Candidates:

Milliard Fillmore was president in 1852. This is an important detail. As we go through this presidential election ranking process over the next 11 months, please note that Millard Fillmore was never on the ballot.

Fillmore took over when President Zachary Taylor died in 1850, the second Whig President ever elected. Taylor was also the second Whig President to die in office after William Henry Harrison kicked the bucket after a month.

So it was only natural that the Whigs wanted to pick someone other than Millard, effectively killing his political career, you could say, and instead nominated Mexican War hero Winfield Scott. What’s funny is Scott was older than Fillmore by 16 years and just two years younger than Harrison when he took office. Nominating candidates was the SAT for the Whig Party, and the consequence of bombing it is that there is no Whig Party today getting into the electoral college.

Not to be outdone, the Democrats nominated their Mexican War hero, Franklin Pierce, a New Hampshire man. Pierce was 48 and handsome. He also had a bit of a drinking problem, but two out of three are hall-of-fame numbers.

Both parties held their nominating conventions in Baltimore, Maryland. I’m unsure why they did this, but the Baltimore Chamber of Commerce better have won a national Chamber award that year.

Major Issue of the Day:

By 1849, California was experiencing the Gold Rush. Over a hundred years later, a California professional football team named the 49ers would win a lot of Super Bowls. They would lose a lot of Super Bowls, including their last two, to a team from Kansas City named the Chiefs. I wish we could travel back in time and tell the 49ers that they would lose to the Chiefs and get their reactions.

The Compromise of 1850 was passed, which made California a free state and banished slavery in the District of Columbia while at the same time enhancing the Fugitive Slave Act, which allowed enslavers to go all over the place and around up black people. That’s not how I would have figured stuff out.

I keep bringing up Catholicism a lot lately, and we saw a lot of Catholic hate in the 1852 election. The Whig campaign openly courted Irish Immigrants, who were Catholic, which meant that the Democrats spent a lot of time reminding Protestants in the country of the reasons why they were Protestants.

The Winner:

Handsomeness.

You know, being 48 doesn’t mean you can’t be handsome. I’m 48. I’m also handsome. Franklin Pierce was this young guy, and we had just experienced two presidents who died in office over the past ten years.

Let me repeat that so you don’t miss this point.

From 1841-1850, the United States had two presidents who died in office. Both were from natural causes, so you can’t blame people who saw this young general with young boys and a young wife compared to the other guy, who was old and ugly, and thought the young, handsome guy would be a better pick.

The 2021 OKH Presidential Ranking:

I ranked Pierce 40th in the OKH Presidential Rankings. He was depressed for most of his life since all of his children and his wife passed away before he did. But he spent too much time and energy appeasing the South, thinking that was okay and, well, it wasn’t okay.

The States in the Electoral College:

31. The District of Columbia did not have a vote. We didn’t have enslaved people at this point either, so it was a little bit of progress, I guess.

The 1852 election was the debut of California. It had four electoral votes, the same as Texas, Arkansas, and Iowa. It was one more than Florida. All of these states went to Peirce.

Scott claimed only four states, which, when you do the math, equals…not great. You can see why I bombed the SAT.

There were 296 members of the Electoral College, and the winner needed to secure 149 votes. Franklin took 254 votes. I bet he got wicked drunk the night he won.

Why Did I Rank it Here:

I’m going to have to sprinkle a lot of these early to mid-19th-century elections around so as not to get locked into this time of frustration.

This election had a lot of faults. Scott never went all in on the anti-slavery thing, kinda like if you ran in 2024, saying you don’t know the cause for the Civil War. Pierce never was all in on the pro-slavery thing, but he felt he could get himself elected based on upholding the Fugitive Slave Act. Having won, Pierce declared his victory was a mandate that decided that slavery wasn’t going anywhere. Have another drink, Frank.

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Next up, we look at the country post-George Washington. Nothing screams; we need to figure this out, roll up our sleeves, and decide who’s next.

Let’s dive in.

52: The Presidential Election of 1796

Election Date: November 4 – December 7, 1796

The Candidates:

In September 1796, George Washington wrote his farewell address and shipped it to newspapers nationwide, announcing that his rule over the United States would end.

Which begged the question: Who was going to run this place?

Washington didn’t name a successor, but John Adams served as Vice President for the first eight years, so it was only natural he would run.

Thomas Jefferson was the first Secretary of State, but by 1796, he had returned to Virginia to tend to his plantation and ruin bibles. (To be fair, he created a cool Excel spreadsheet format I’ll have to tell you about sometime.) He fiercely advocated for state rights and saw Adams as a threat.

Washington could see the writing on the wall when it came to politics, so he invented a position telling everyone not to join or engage in what has become our political parties, which act much like gangs.

Major Issue of the Day:

The United States hadn’t hit our teenage years yet, so we were still in this awkward stage. Like our heads were too big, our arms were lanky, and we kept running into things. Teenagers run into things, right?

Like teenagers taking and passing the SAT and going off to college, we had to figure out our path away from our parents, who, in this case, were our British Overlords. Our cool uncle, France, helped us get on our feet but then started feuding with our parents again. Americans took sides in the family fight for Europe.

We also put down a few rebellions, including one that included whiskey, which sounded awesome if you were Franklin Pierce.

The Winner:

Aristocracy.

Adams would become the first president to have a son who would eventually become president. Jefferson only had girls, so he was at a significant disadvantage. Maybe one day, we will have a president who becomes the first president whose daughter becomes president.

Throughout history, many political families have had generational influence over our politics and governing. The Kennedys, Bushes, Adams, Clintons, Doles, and a few others I’m certainly forgetting are just a few.

But in the first 48 years of existence, the Adams began the trend of familial power.

The 2021 OKH Presidential Ranking:

John Adams came in 18^th, three spots up from when I did it the last time before I launched this site, so it made even less sense then.

My oldest brother gave me an extensive biography of Adams about twenty years ago. I believe I have read five chapters. I don’t know where I put it. It’s around here somewhere.

Tidbits like this make you want to run and upgrade your subscription, don’t they?

The States in the Electoral College:

16. The District of Columbia didn’t exist. It was called the Federal City, and people lived there. But they were not allowed to vote. Slavery was allowed, however. Being o-for-two does not get you into the Hall of Fame.

There were 138 members of the Electoral College, and the winner needed to secure 70 votes. Adams got 71 because he picked up three votes in Pennsylvania, Virginia, and North Carolina, which allowed partial votes to happen. To be fair, Jefferson snagged four votes from Maryland, so he came out on top on the partial vote issue.

Why Did I Rank it Here:

This was the first time we flexed our muscles to decide who would govern from the chief executive office. At this point, we were still a heavily legislative-focused government. Heck, the Supreme Court hadn’t established itself yet, so it was essential to see how we would pick the president.

It gets a lower rank because we were still at the point of letting the same guys run the place. Not that I expected someone from out of the blue to come in and run, but it would have been nice to have just one guy from the Framers run.

Plus, it was a nasty campaign that cost both men their friendship that wasn’t repaired until both were on their deathbeds. Not okay.

What do you think? What would life have been if General Scott had won? Or if Whig presidents didn’t keep dying?

Am I wrong about wishing for more variety in our first proper election? Am I ranking it too low?

Figuring It Out

We are back ranking presidential elections and figuring stuff out.

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