Jerseys and Bathrobes
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Jerseys and Bathrobes
We continue our state rankings while discussing different types of clothing.
Happy First Friday of the month, my Okay History friends! Another month is upon us, and my appreciation for your support never ends.
To begin today’s newsletter, I have a question for you.
What are you wearing?
I’m not trying to sound creepy, but if you aren’t wearing your favorite professional sports jersey today, you are not observing this essential national holiday! Happy National Jersey Day!
This is an actual thing.
In 2016 the National Football League started National Jersey Day by claiming the first Friday in November. So, it’s new, and you probably didn’t know. But this is the NFL, so it’s going to be GREAT!
Not to be confused with New Jersey (SR #30), the jersey has a rich background. Its name came from the town called Jersey, which is a part of a place called the Channel Islands, wherever that is. Jerseys are basically a version of a sweater. It can be any knitted fabric. Apparently, this entire town knitted like they were in a scene of Three Amigos.
When it comes to sports, someone decided to call what players wore “jerseys.” In the early 20th century, they put numbers on the back to identify each person. As the decades passed, teams began playing in different uniforms to determine which team was home and away. Then they started putting names on the backs of jerseys, which helped identify players even more. It’s almost as if the entire purpose of watching sports is to know who is who.
In the 21st century, jerseys are made of materials that keep sweat off your body and keep you cool or hot, depending. They are flexible and conformable to wear and are considered an accessory that can enhance your performance.
Some professional leagues have added logos from corporate sponsorships and alternative jerseys, usually to harken back to earlier days when jerseys were simpler. Some of the best jerseys are from teams that long ago decided to stick to one design and became iconic. Franchises such as the New York Yankees, San Francisco 49ers, Pittsburgh Steelers, and no teams from Cleveland.
When I lived in Baltimore, people there used to bust out their Ravens jerseys every Friday during the NFL season. It was stupid. The Baltimore Ravens are stupid, and that is not a knock on Edgar Allen Poe.
Okay, let's go to the next round of state rankings! We have three states, and only one is home to professional sports!
19: Alaska
Founded: January 3, 1959
49th state
Do I know the state capital off the top of my head? Juneau
Have I been there? No.
Do I want to go? Yes.
The Good:
Two good things happened to the residents of Alaska in 1976. First, I was born. Second, they passed a law where they pay their residents annually through the Permanent Fund Dividend.
It comes out to a couple of thousand dollars per year for each resident, depending on how well the royalties from oil are. Doesn’t this sound like socialism?
If so, then I’m all for it!
The Bad:
When I think of Alaska, I think of Sarah Palin, the former governor of Alaska and vice-presidential nominee to the Republican National ticket in 2008.
She was plucked from obscurity by Arizona (SR #23) Senator John McCain in hopes of matching the celebrity of Barack Obama (PR #22) after eight years of leadership from future okay portrait painter George W. Bush (PR# 33).
Shockingly, she couldn’t deliver victory. In her defense, if only OKH had existed in 2008, she could have subscribed, learned a little bit more, and become an okay candidate.
Instead, she read all the news and looked lost. During a debate, she even tried to pull a Ronald Reagan (PR #8) line on future walking dead president Joe Biden (PR NR).
Say it ain’t so, Joe!
My goodness.
Palin lost the Congressional race earlier this summer and handled it well. She will be on the ballot for the same seat next week.
The Ugly:
On March 14, 1989, the Exxon Valdez, a large sea vessel, ran ashore on Prince William Sound, Alaska, dumping all of its Texas (SR #7) tea into the water, coastline, and wildlife. It is the second-largest oil spill in US history, with 10 million gallons of oil.
I remember when this happened and couldn’t figure out why Exxon was carrying oil for your car around the waters of Alaska. Years later I’m still not sure why they were in such a tight, remote spot.
Why did I rank it here?
I live right around the corner from Alaska Senator Lisa Murkowski. I’ve seen her a few times, twice while she was in her bathrobe. Now before you begin to think I’m doing something creepy again, I was walking by her house, and she was sitting on her porch in her bathrobe.
Her husband, Verne, has done extensive work on their corner house. I like the guy. I’ve complimented him on his progress and resisted the urge to take a dig at the lack of progress in his politics.
18: Kentucky
Founded: June 1, 1792
15th State
Do I know the state capital off the top of my head? Frankfort
Have I been there? Yes
Do I want to go back? Yes, I have to.
The Good:
Kentucky is the home of the Kentucky Derby, one of the thoroughbred horse races in the country. Not just one, really, but THE horse race of the year.
The Derby takes place in the state’s largest city Louisville and has done so since 1875. They call it The Run for Roses because the winner receives a wreath of roses and about a billion dollars in cash.
I’m a terrible gambler, which is a good thing only because I hardly ever gamble, but I have won some bets on the winner of the Derby. My favorite horse was War Emblem.
The Bad:
Kentucky has given the country Senator Mitch McConnell; we all wished we had the receipts to exchange him for someone like Ashley Judd.
Mitch looks like your neighbor who never returns your tools, a very punchable offense in our opinion, but Mitch is pretty bad when it comes to the ordinary guy, which is weird because the Commonwealth of Kentucky is full of them.
The Senate Leader is worth $30 million, primarily thanks to marrying well after he dumped his first wife for presumably possessing the flaw of being poor rather than possessing assets. He has not returned wealth back to the state, instead promoting Supply Side Economics, which at this point, can we all agree, doesn’t work.
The Ugly:
You think someone would have taken a swing at McConnell by now, but instead, they spray-painted his house. For the record, this is not nice, and I certainly don’t condone it, but the other US Senator from the Bluegrass has felt the brunt of violence.
In 2017, Rand Paul was assaulted while working in his yard after a long, simmering feud with his neighbor over many things, primarily property. The neighbor tackled him from behind and broke a bunch of Paul’s ribs.
The guy said he wasn’t motivated by politics, but Rand’s politics are ugly, so I am a bit suspicious. The neighbor admitted guilt and served about eight months for his crime.
Why did I rank it here?
I love the bourbon Kentucky produces. I’m a big fan of Bulleit, Four Roses, and Maker’s Mark, in case you were wondering what to get me for Christmas. If you are making a list, you can go ahead and put Willet at the top.
When it comes to presents, I mostly get Jameson Irish whiskey and some form of Kentucky Bourbon. I haven’t made the Bourbon Trail yet, but it’s on the list in case you want to plan a trip with me.
17: Georgia
Founded: January 26, 1837
26th State
Do I know the state capital off the top of my head? Athens (What? Atlanta? Even after we burned it down?)
Have I been there? Yes.
Do I want to go back? Yes. I enjoyed Savannah.
The Good:
My Dog, Blue, was born in Georgia. A full-bred Jerk, Blue is the best dog I have ever had, thanks to Anonymous, who rescued him from the clutches of a woman who mistreated him. The poor dog has never recovered from being traumatized as a puppy.
Blue and I have so much in common. We are emotional; we are the youngest of our litter; we are emotional, and we like to play and take long naps after being emotional.
He’s an incredible dog who taught me the meaning of love by choosing to love me after about six months of getting to know each other. I can’t imagine my life without this guy.
The Bad:
Georgia is the 42nd state when it comes to poverty, which is bad. Overall, the poverty rate is around 16%, which means one in five Georgians lives in poverty. The national average is about 11 %.
It gets worse when you break down the numbers. The state's poverty rate for children under six is a whopping 27%.
18% of women in Georgia live in poverty. These stats are high too high for my liking.
The Ugly:
On November 14, 1864, a great general from the state of Ohio (Not yet ranked) took a trip down to Atlanta with some troops and proceeded to capture and then torch this vital city of the Confederates during the last stages of the Civil War.
William Tecumseh Sherman and his men burned nearly 3,000 buildings that day. Just set everything on fire and then drank bourbon.
Once this job was completed, Sherman took the troops to the beach, specifically Savannah, blazing everything in their path, offering Georgia as a Christmas present to President Abraham Lincoln (PR #1)on December 21.
This is one time when ugly is a good thing.
Why did I rank it here?
Being the birthplace of Blue pushes Georgia into the top 20 states. It will be interesting to see the reaction from Anonymous. She expects a much higher ranking, I’m sure.
I don’t own many jerseys. My friends got me a Cleveland Browns jersey one year for my birthday, and it was unfortunately delivered to the angry lady who lived in the condo below.
Wisely, there was no attempt to secure the jersey, especially when the jersey was a former Michigan (SR #20) player. I have images of this scary old lady sitting watching the 700 Club wearing her Braylon Edwards jersey and smiling, knowing its rightful owner will never see it.
We switch our clocks back one hour, which means we will spend the entire week adjusting our sleep.
I’ll see you on Monday. Have a great weekend!
Okay,
Chris
Jerseys and Bathrobes
I agree with the placement of this ranking for Georgia. Their horrible college football team also significantly weighs down their ranking. Alaska’s beauty as a state would have made it higher for me--weighed down by the fact that it’s virtually dark/nighttime all winter.