Happy Holidays! Signed, OKH

Go check your mailbox I sent you some state rankings to enjoy.

It’s FRRRIIIIDDAAAYYY! I appreciate your support of Okay History.

Have you mailed your Christmas cards yet? If you haven’t, December 9 is National Christmas Card Day! Anonymous and I will be sending ours out this weekend. I’m technically in charge of mailing them, which also includes mailing presents because we ain’t going anywhere this year. FUN!

According to United States Postal Service, about a billion Christmas cards are sent each year. I think they look at a gigantic pile of cards and throw out a number. How on earth do you keep track of such things? When did it reach a billion? I have no idea, and I bet neither does USPS. I’d like an audit, please.

When I was single, which spanned over two decades and just ended recently, I used to send out Christmas cards to friends. They were generic religious cards, just the kind you would expect from your random, single guy friend. I didn’t bother writing notes and telling you what was going on with my life. I just scribbled my name and slapped a stamp on it, and out they went.

Eventually, I ran out of enthusiasm for such a project. My list got to be too big because I’m wildly popular. Life just got busier, not with dating, obviously, but more so with work and depression. They tend to go hand in hand. I can’t remember the last time I mailed out cards. It has to be ten years ago, at least.

Anonymous and I are grateful for the cards we get. They are full of pictures of kids (they are all so big!), dogs (they are so cute!), and updates on their lives that we don’t see on Instagram. I’m excited to begin the tradition of sending out cards from our family. We don’t have kids, but we do have a dog. If you want to know what’s going on in my life, please subscribe to Okay History.

Here’s hoping your mailbox is full of cards from all over. Let me know if you want to jump on our list!

Okay, let's go to the next round of state rankings! We have two states, which means only four left!   

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I have no idea what language this is.

6: Hawaii

Founded: August 21, 1959

50th state

Do I know the state capital off the top of my head? Honolulu

Have I been there? No

Do I want to go? Yes, who wouldn’t want to go to Hawaii?       

The Good:

Hawaii is beautiful. The surfing is fantastic. Now I don’t surf. I’m from Ohio. But one of our readers does, and I know Phil would love the waves of Hawaii and is happy that I mentioned him right now.

Hawaii made the ukulele popular. When you think of this state, doesn’t the mini guitar immediately pop into your brain? I once had a roommate who played the ukulele. He moved out to get married. I should have learned to play this instrument.

The Bad:

Hawaii makes California look affordable. It’s insanely expensive. But islands in the middle of nowhere tend to be that way.

Being in the middle of nowhere means it takes forever to get there. A direct stop from DC to Honolulu is almost 11 hours. I’ve never been on a plane for 11 hours straight. Can you sleep for 11 straight hours? I don’t think that is healthy.

The Ugly:

The attack on Pearl Harbor obviously was very ugly. I‘ve written about it a few times, so I want to present something new here.

Hawaii becoming a state is pretty ugly.  

Here’s the Okay History version.

Hawaii was a unified Kingdom until a bunch of American and European business guys overthrew the monarchy in 1893. It is the definition of a Banana Republic. Five years later, the U.S. annexed it. We just declared this beautiful group of islands ours, and that was the end. In 1959, we went through the process of making it official, but I can’t think of another state that has this history.

Why did I rank it here?

Hawaii is home to some good Hollywood-based stories. Have you ever watched Dog the Bounty Hunter? It was a television show featuring a guy named Duane, who, after growing up in a motorcycle gang and doing a stint in prison for murder, became the most famous bounty hunter in the world.

I used to watch this show all the time. I believe Hawaii 5-O was a show back in the 80s, but then had a reboot a few years back that I watched consistently. It may still be airing; I’m not sure.  Of course, the great movie, Forgetting Sarah Marshall was based in Hawaii. The thing I loved about that movie was the storyline of a puppet musical about Dracula. Brilliant.

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This is so confusing. Are these guys in a tent? Also 1632?

5: Maryland

Founded: April 28, 1788

7th state

Do I know the state capital off the top of my head? Annapolis

Have I been there? Yes

Do I want to go back? Have to.

The Good:

I moved to Maryland on May 19, 1998, two days after I graduated from college. My older brother, who lived out here preparing everyone for my arrival like he was John the Baptist, picked me up in a U-Haul and drove me six hours east to what I would call home.

A few friends also moved out to Maryland, and we began to call our home the “Underground Railroad,” a seriously awful way to describe transporting a few white dudes out of Ohio.

This is the good section, right? Right. I have a ton of friends and an extended family here in Maryland, for which I am grateful.

The Bad:

Everything is illegal in Maryland. The most populous county, Montgomery, the one right next door to Washington, DC, takes this even further. The county controls all alcohol in Montgomery County. So if you happen to want a Guinness and walk into a bar within county limits, and the county hasn’t purchased any Guinness because they are county workers who don’t do anything, you won’t be drinking any Guinness that day.

I love me some socialism, but socialism that interferes with my alcoholism is not the type of socialism we should aspire to.

The Ugly:

Have you watched a football game at the University of Maryland anytime recently? Of course, you haven’t. Years ago, I went to the Maryland versus Miami game, which was awesome. I used to go and watch the Terps beat Clempson, which was always a good time. This was back when people used to go to games.

Now you attend a conference game against Michigan, and nobody is there. In fact, you aren’t there either. Then you go online and read how sad Maryland fans are when it comes to conference affiliation, wishing they were still losing to Duke in basketball.

It’s ugly. Don’t email me, Maryland family and friends, about any of this. It’s true.

Why did I rank it here?

Maryland is a special place for me. It’s easily top five, but not quite the top three, let alone the top one. The traffic here is awful, and Maryland drivers are the worst. Trust me, I’ve been hit by cars in multiple states, but I am always on edge here at home for Maryland drivers who have no concept of driving.

But there is so much to love about Maryland. I have a great family in Maryland. The Chesapeake Bay and all the towns around it are incredibly scenic. I can’t imagine coming up with a list of the best states and not including Maryland near the top.

Thanks to you who tried to guess the winning state. I won’t say no one got it correct, but I will say I enjoyed people guessing and using states I have already ranked. Especially Ohio. My open rates on emails hover around 60%, so I appreciate you scanning through them and not retaining ANY information. I feel like that is a perfect way to respond to this site. Seriously, thank you all.

We wrap up the state’s ranking next week. I’m excited to share the Final Four. I will be back at it again on Monday, and until then, I hope the weekend is a good one while you are mailing me a Christmas card.

Okay,

Chris