As fall settles in, leaves turn red, orange, and gold, and temperatures drop to the point where you need a light jacket to walk your dog in the morning, it can only mean one thing—the next presidential election is almost here, so families are texting and insulting each other.
I had a recent family text exchange in which politics was the unnatural progression from the original intention.
It began with one sibling innocently sharing a picture of a box of donuts and commenting on its deliciousness.
Then, all of a sudden, it was Game Of Thrones On with the Dake Siblings.
There’s nothing more instantly gratifying than yelling at someone you love through the keyboard on your phone. However, it doesn’t accomplish anything in the long term unless you have a blog and can continue to make your point.
How did we go from donuts to daggers? It was all a blur, but I can tell you, I didn’t start it.
Instead, one sibling said if Ohio got rid of its senior Senator Sherrod Brown, the price of a donut would go down.
OH NO YOU DIDN’T.
Cue fingers of fury!
I rapidly texted how tossing Sherrod Brown aside actually helps the Cleveland Browns owner, who financially supports Brown’s opponent, a rich used car salesman, in the upcoming Ohio Senate race. Oh, I threw in a line about how the price of a donut wouldn’t go down anyway.
Then another sibling chimed in about how inflation works because he knows I know nothing about inflation except to use it in fundraising appeals to scare people. That turned into an exchange I can’t remember, but I’m sure I was correct.
The Anti-Sherrod Brown Sibling types he hates the owner of the Browns, which is a campaign talking point I wish Senator Brown made more of. Then I had to explain to the Inflation Sibling who the owner of the Browns was and how he’s from Tennessee, where their two senators are racists who want to control my home, Washington, DC.
Then, the Inflation Sibling turned into the Anti-Washington, DC Sibling when he wrote that I must not understand how the seat of government concept works within the Constitution. I told him that the Constitution didn’t allow his wife, daughters, and sisters the right to vote. I was so mad that I forgot to add Mom.
Newly anointed Anti-Washington, DC Sibling replied there was a path for women who were disenfranchised, which turned into the Nineteenth Amendment, and that I’ve never been disenfranchised because I moved to DC.
OH NO YOU DIDN’T.
The Anti-Washington, DC Sibling finally wrote that there are other examples in world history of countries creating federal cities independent of the local government, like DC. He signed off by telling me that it’s in the country's best interest for DC to exist independently and not as a state. Which means the people of DC have no right to representation.
Then I had to go to a meeting with a priest more fired up than Rudy Giuliani at a fascist rally.
I understand how the Constitution works. I ranked all the amendments, especially the one that created the federal city and the Twenty-third amendment, which allows people in the seat of government the right to vote in the Electoral College.
But I’m pissed that I don’t have representation in the government that resides up the street while I continue to pay the highest percentage of taxes per capita and have the highest tax burden by income.
Where are Tennessee and Ohio when it comes to taxes? No idea, but they are bitching about the price of donuts, that’s for sure.
When people say Washington, DC, can’t be a state, they say it is because it’s in the Constitution. I must explain that the words “Washington, DC” are nowhere to be found in it. These people are as confused as trying to give the definition of communism that goes beyond the words “Kamala Harris.”
Washington, DC, happens to be the capital of the United States. But it doesn’t have to be.
It’s 2024, and the world, let alone the country, looks vastly different than it did at the end of the 18th Century when Washington, DC, was formed. Now, don’t worry; I’m not going to upend the entire structure of the United States, but as a Catholic who walks into the Cafeteria and picks and chooses what I want to follow, you best be sure I will pick and choose what I think needs changes when it comes to government.
There are plenty of arguments Anti-Washington, DC Sibling, and others who share his view as to why I and about 700,000 Americans don’t deserve representation.
All of the excuses are as disgusting as a box of vegan donuts.
First, let's quickly recap how DC became DC and went from a few hundred people to a projected million by 2050.
One day, I will explore how two major political parties have always run the country. But for now, I will keep it simple and write that two political parties decide where, how, and when states exist.
States exist because of politics.
You may be surprised that the United States has had nine capitals. You probably know about Philadelphia and possibly New York. But there were two more in Pennsylvania (York and Lancaster), two in New Jersey (Princeton and Trenton), and Annapolis, Maryland.
Philly was the nation’s capital in 1783 during the First and Second Continental Congress. Then, an angry mob of veterans descended on the Capitol to demand payments for serving in the Revolutionary War, threatening to take everyone hostage. Congress then requested the governor of Pennsylvania, John Dickson, to call up a militia to put it down.
However, Dickson sympathized with the veterans and refused, and Congress fled to New Jersey. George Washington and the federal army came and saved the day. This began the unfortunate path that led to me not having representation.
Congress resolved to find a place it could call its own, and that’s why Article One, Section 8 of the United States Constitution gives Congress the power to oversee the District where the Federal Government shall reside.
Moving the federal government created a frenzy of proposals from states up and down the coast, hoping to secure the massive entity and the financial windfalls.
Thomas Jefferson, James Madison, and our boy, Alexander Hamilton, brokered a deal that in exchange for land along the Potomac River between Maryland and Virginia, two slave-owning states, the new Federal Government would take over the debts from the Revolutionary War, therefore spreading out the costs evenly.
It was very political.
In 1791, President George Washington named three commissioners to oversee the creation of the federal district, manage the borders, and other matters. The commissioners called the place the Federal District of Columbia and the federal city the City of Washington.
Mind you, when Virginia and Maryland ceded land to the Federal Government, people lived inside the new borders. But whatever, both slave-owning states decided there was no representation for you, mainly enslaved people.
Washington, DC, was founded in 1800. It had two counties: the County of Washington and the County of Alexandria. The population was a few thousand. The 3/5th Compromise was in place, so there were thousands more.
Immediately, the Federal Government was reluctant to support the District with proper infrastructure or governance. It wasn’t until 1802 that a municipal government was formed, with a mayor appointed by the president.
From this point forward until today, Washington, D.C., has been controlled by Congress despite little improvements like Home Rule, which allowed DC to elect its officials, and the Amendment that allowed residents to vote for presidents.
DC’s population has only continued to grow as the government has grown. The government grew because more states were added to the country. In 1910, we had 48 states and over 92 million citizens. By 2020, we had 50 states and over 331 million people. About 700,000 people live in DC, more than Wyoming and Vermont.
Yet, the citizens of Washington, DC, don’t have the same rights despite living in the same country, and the only reason is politics.
My Anti-Washington Sibling will say that the attack on Philadelphia a million years ago is proof that local government cannot protect the Federal Government as the Federal Government can. But look at January 6, 2021, and I’ll show you a Federal Government that failed to protect me. My sibling mentioned moving. He is right. My ass moved that day - out to Maryland for safety.
Do you know how many people died in the Pennsylvania Mutiny of 1783?
A big, fat donut hole.
You know how many people died on January 6?
Five red jelly donuts.
It’s political that DC isn’t a state.
This week, we celebrate the creation of three states. On November 2, 1889, North and South Dakota became the 39th and 40th states. The Dakota Territory was created in 1861. Twenty-plus years later, the Democrats wanted to split in two, thinking there would be two different political views.
Republicans went along with it because they knew the Democrats were idiots about it, and in a show how unpartisan Republican president Benjamin Harrison was, he shuffled the official papers around so no one would guess which state would be first.
Look how political everything was when both Dakotas became Republican strongholds.
Nevada became a state this week, October 31, 1864, just in time for the 1864 presidential election. Wouldn’t you know it, Nevada had strong Union loyalties, and despite not meeting population requirements, it was shoved into the Union.
Politics strikes again!
Politics is the only reason Washington, DC, doesn’t have representation. People fear the Democratic Party would receive two senators and a representative, giving that party more power.
No kidding. But that’s not the point.
If it weren’t about politics, reasonable people could conclude that 700,000 Americans shouldn’t be disenfranchised because people don’t just move to DC. They are also born here. Imagine telling someone from Tennessee and Ohio they had to move to be equal citizens as their Michigan and Kentucky neighbors.
As Anti-Washington Sibling stated, there’s a process for that to happen, which I agreed with. But let’s not pretend that the arguments about mob rule and the necessity of neutrality—in a country where nothing is neutral—are the natural, justified reasons.
It’s politics. And it’s as stale as a two-week-old box of donuts.
If you were wondering how this text chain concluded, the Donut Sibling chimed in an hour later, “It’s just a donut.”
The last sibling never chimed in. She’s the smartest one in all of this.
Less than a week before the last day to cast a ballot. I’m going to drop off my ballot on Friday.
Speaking of Friday, we will countdown the final two elections in our election rankings series. I’m looking forward to sharing what I think is the most significant election in our history.
Is it electing Lincoln or sending Trump packing?
Be here on Friday to find out!
Okay,
Chris