O-H! Oh No!
Happy Veterans Day and come read the next round of state rankings that shock even me.
Another Friday is here; this time, it’s a federal holiday!
Happy Veterans Day, Okay History friends, and thanks for taking the time to support the cause.
World War I ended on the eleventh day of the eleventh month, at the eleventh hour. Only Germany could surrender this precisely.
Following the war, Americans remembered the soldiers who fought in the war on Armistice Day. But not the ones who died; we celebrate those on Memorial Day. There’s a big difference.
Years passed, and we needed to defeat Germany again, and following that World War, we decided to include every soldier, so we changed the name we honor these living soldiers to Veterans Day.
Veterans Day continues to be celebrated on November 11, except for some reason, in the 1970s, we kept changing it to days in October. More importantly, because this is America, Veterans Day is the kick-off to the holiday sales season. Your next big shopping time isn’t until two weeks later when Black Friday rolls around. Black Friday, it needs to be noted, is the worst marketing name ever.
So go out there and buy some stuff while thanking the veterans in your life! Thank you, Vets!
Okay, let's go to the next round of state rankings! For those who love the troops, you have three states to read up on while you have the day off.
16: Ohio
Founded: March 1, 1803
17th state
Do I know the state capital off the top of my head? Columbus
Have I been there? Oh yeah.
Do I want to go back? I need to see my mother.
The Good:
Ohio is my birthplace. I know the state well because I was born in Cleveland, grew up in Columbus, and went to college in Cincinnati.
I have made lifelong friends from Ohio. My family still lives in Ohio. I still root for all the teams in Cleveland because my life is an Arthur Miller play.
My faith formation happened in Ohio. My athletic career began and ended in Ohio. I lost my virginity and got dumped a lot while living in Ohio.
I am who I am because I spent 21 years in Ohio, something I am grateful for.
The Bad:
On May 4, 1970, the Ohio National Guard shot and killed four unarmed students at Kent State University for peacefully protesting the Vietnam War. Nine others were wounded, including one who has paralyzed. Two of the four murdered victims were teenagers.
Kent State takes May 4 off every year in remembrance. It must be a chilling reminder.
The Ugly:
Ohio has become a haven for Radical Republican politics. The flip has been staggering. After electing Barack Obama in back-to-back elections, the Buckeye state said, “Let’s turn heel,” and proceeded to double down on Donald Trump in 2016 and 2020.
They have steadily moved the state to the right, adopting laws only a Floridan would love. The General Assembly has passed an Open Carry, but don’t worry about learning how to use it, law, gutted the public school education system, which fell from fifth in 2010 to thirty-first in 2021, and passed gerrymandering laws even the state’s Supreme Court said was illegal.
Why did I rank it here?
Maybe this is recency bias, but I don’t care; it’s my state rankings, and I can cry if I want to.
Electing JD Vance to the United States Senate is an easy justification to knock my home state out of the top 15. Trust me when I say this, before Tuesday, November 8, 2022, Ohio was way higher. Way, way, way higher.
That’s how much I despise this recent action. Have you read his book? It sucked.
Ohio is like the unpopular kid who tries to impress the more popular kids who tend to be real jerks. Open carry laws, stand your ground, Jim Jordan. I can’t take it anymore. If I hadn’t grown up in Ohio, they would be battling South Carolina right about now.
15: Iowa
Founded: December 28, 1846
29th State
Do I know the state capital off the top of my head? Iowa City (Shoot – it’s Des Moines)
Have I been there? No
Do I want to go? Not really, maybe.
The Good:
Since 2017, there’s been this thing called the Iowa Wave.
Iowa University Snead Family Children’s Hospital was completed that year. Its top floors overlook Kinnick Stadium, where the school’s football team plays.
At the end of the first quarter of every home game, everyone in the stadium turns and waves to kids watching from above. These kids are battling cancer, having other significant surgeries, whatever. It’s the coolest thing. Even though I hate that Pat Green song they play during it.
The Bad:
Iowa’s progressive tax rates are up with New Jersey and New York. Except in New Jersey, you have the beach; in New York, you have New York City. In Iowa, you have corn and tornadoes.
Not the best trade-off for your wallet.
The Ugly:
Iowa prides itself on being the first of the presidential primaries; only they don’t primary; they caucus. Caucusing is basically a bunch of Iowans jamming themselves into a room and discussing the candidates before moving around like a 5th-grade class and clustering around others, deciding who the winner is by how many people are standing together under a sign with the candidates’ names.
The 2020 Iowa Caucus was a disaster. They hired a tech company called Shadow, which only existed for five months prior, and the app they provided to record the votes failed. Votes weren’t recorded properly, or it took forever to figure out the glitches.
Who signs off on giving important work to a company called Shadow?
The result of the caucus was that one candidate proclaimed himself the winner while others yelled at him and the press about the entire episode.
Hopefully, in two years, we can do a better job.
Why did I rank it here?
The Music Man was the first musical I ever saw as a kid. I never knew musicals existed until the third grade, and my music teacher at the time, Mrs. Whatsherface, played the movie over a few days, presumably because she was hungover.
I was an instant fan. The story is of a traveling salesman, who is a con artist, who sells boys’ bands to help the local community. He makes it to Iowa, where the kind people take him, and he takes them to the cleaners.
Eventually, he gets caught, but he falls in love with Shirley Jones (who wouldn’t), and in the end, these lovely people accept him when their boys play instruments that sound like dying hyenas.
I’m going to watch this again over the weekend.
14: Colorado
Founded: August 1, 1876
38th State
Do I know the state capital off the top of my head? Boulder (Denver – of course)
Have I been there? Technically, yes. I was at the airport.
Do I want to go back? Yes. Hopefully soon.
The Good:
Sure, Colorado has lovely scenery, but it isn’t any better than Vermont, New Hampshire, or Washington.
But unlike those places, Colorado is a top ten state when it comes to taxing you. It has lower income rates, sales tax ranks sixth, and its overall tax on property ranks in the top three. So you can own some pretty good land and not be taxed through the nose.
I just discovered that I live in one of the highest-income tax states, but it isn’t a state. Awesome!
The Bad:
Taxes may be low, but the cost of living is high in Colorado because everyone wants to move there. I know of only one person who moved to Colorado and then left. And he moved his family to another country; he disliked it so severely.
Renting an apartment in Colorado is 30% higher than the national average. But those low taxes!
The Ugly:
For whatever reason, Colorado attracts a lot of serial killers, whose preferred mode of murder is by mass shooting.
First, there was the Sand Creek massacre in 1864, where a US general killed or mutilated 70-500 Indigenous women and children.
Next was the Ludlow massacre in 1914 when the Colorado National Guard killed about 29 coal miners over a tent colony.
Then there was Columbine High School shooting in 1999, where 15 people were killed.
Then in 2012, a movie theater was shot up. Ten people died, and another seventy were injured.
Finally, last year in Boulder, a shooter killed ten people in a grocery store parking lot.
The city of Aurora has had four mass shootings to date. Yikes.
Why did I rank it here?
Colorado brings in a billion dollars on hay sales. That’s crazy. It’s also the fourth-highest producer of marijuana at $460 million. Colorado likes to plant stuff, and I’m here for it.
Also, I like its flag. Sure, it looks a bit Cuban, but I think it’s creative and makes me smile for some silly reason.
I like how WWI ended on a 11/11/11. It reminds me of my engagement, which ended my dating life. Anonymous and I got engaged four years, four months, and four days from my first date. Maybe we need to turn September 24 into a national holiday – Dating Veterans Day or something.
I’m back on Monday, and I hope to see you then. Have a great weekend!
Okay,
Chris
If Ohio’s cities were their own state, then it would be in the top 5, but rural Ohio is dragging the state backward.
Mrs. Theiss. She was obsessed with The Music Man.