Screwing Around
Screwing Around
And finding out: The presidential election edition.
Last week, former President and current leading nominee for the Republican Party, Donald Trump, was convicted of 34 counts of trying to influence the 2016 election by falsifying business expenses to pay hush money to an adult film actress in the hope of keeping her quiet for the sexual acts they committed many, many years ago when he was just a B List movie actor.
Of course, we all know 12 randomly chosen and agreed upon citizen jurors, along with a judge who donated $15 to Trump’s opponent, President Joe Biden, and the Department of Justice rigged the trial and turned the country into a Banana Republic. Not the store but a government system no one clearly understands.
Sex and politics are as American as apple pie and baseball. It’s in our nature to assume that people running for office also run around on their partners. I found a poll that states that 17% of married couples experience infidelity, and that’s just from people who admit to it.
But are sex scandals detrimental to presidential aspirations? As any Human Resources practitioner would tell you, that depends.
This brings us to the following two elections, where candidates screwed around…and found out if their fellow citizens were…well…okay with it.
Let's dive in.
29: The Presidential Election of 1884
Election Date: November 4, 1884
The Candidates:
Chester Arthur became president three years earlier when an assassin put a bullet into President James Garfield, and then doctors shoved their dirty hands into his body over a few days and killed him.
As we learned on Monday, Civil War hero William Sherman refused the Republican nomination, which allowed Maine Senator James Blaine to become the nominee because no one wanted to screw around with another President Arthur term.
The Democrats, who hadn’t occupied the White House since the epic failure James Buchanan won in 1854, nominated New York Governor Grover Cleveland.
Major Issue of the Day:
Garfield was assassinated by a deranged person who sought to land a job in the federal civil service. Garfield was…how should I put this…dead set on purging corruption in handing out plum government jobs, which at that point was getting out of control.
The Winner:
Honesty.
Grover Cleveland wasn’t married in 1884, but he did have an affair with a widow about ten years earlier. I’m not sure how that is an affair; maybe it was because they weren’t married.
Anyway, the widow gave birth to a child, and while Grov-Dawg didn’t think he was the child’s father, he financially supported the kid.
When the Republicans went at Cleveland for his illicit acts of being a grown single man, he calmly acknowledged that he did provide money to the boy.
Honesty wasn’t something that you could say about Blaine. He was viewed as corrupt and perceived to be in bed with big business.
It led to campaign lines like the one Greg pointed out:
The American people appreciated a man who owned up to his screwing around.
The States in the Electoral College:
38. There were no new states since the last election in 1880.
The Electoral College had 401 members, and the winner needed 201 votes.
Cleveland won 20 states, leaving Blaine with 18. The contest was one of the closest in history, with Cleveland winning by 57,000 votes and 48.8% of the vote to Blaine’s 48.3%.
The 2021 OKH Presidential Ranking:
Cleveland comes in at number 19. He might not be that kid’s father, but he’s considered the father of the Progressive Era.
Why Did I Rank it Here:
You and I know I lucked into this theme due to current events, but this spot seems okay.
About 100 years later, another Democratic nominee shot onto the national scene, this time taking on an incumbent president who was initially overwhelmingly popular. Would this Democrat find himself in the White House despite his screwing around?
Let’s dive in.
28: The Presidential Election of 1992
Election Date: November 3, 1992
The Candidates:
George H.W. Bush was the incumbent president after he served the previous eight years as Ronald Reagan’s vice president. In the 1988 election, Bush listened to his advisors who told him to act more like Reagan in speeches, leading to the line Read my lips—no new taxes. Bush then went out and raised taxes, which screwed him four years later.
The Democrats kept screwing themselves by putting out losers in the previous two elections, but the field in 1992 was much improved. I always felt Massachusetts Senator Paul Tsongas should have won, but then I was reminded that one of his central campaign contributors was busted for fraud.
Paul lost out to the 46-year-old Governor of Arkansas, Bill Clinton. Clinton grew up deceitful, having gone east to become elite and attend fancy places like Yale and Georgetown. It proved to be a good move.
Texas billionaire Ross Perot threw his hat into the ring as an independent. Then he picked up his hat and walked away over the summer, only to throw the hat back in September. All that screwing around with his hat-tossing didn’t help him much, but it was enough for people to have heard of Ross Perot.
Major Issue of the Day:
In 1991, we spent the halftime of the Super Bowl whipping the Iraqis out of Kuwait after they had invaded them.
A civil war was raging in Somalia that would lead to a US intervention that would end in tragedy.
At home, Reagan’s Trickle-Down economics began to show their impact. In the summer of 1992, the United States faced a recession with high unemployment.
We passed the 17th Amendment to the Constitution after we proposed it in 1789.
The Winner:
Dishonesty.
Clinton went on national television and told everyone he caused pain to his marriage. I’m ashamed to admit I could also claim this stance when I don’t vacuum.
The American people once again appreciated a man who owned up to his screwing around, even if he didn’t technically own up to it.
The States in the Electoral College:
50. At this point, the District of Columbia didn’t even have to go to the polls. Our three votes were going to Clinton.
The Electoral College had 538 members, and the winner needed 270 votes.
Perot's big Texas hat caused a problem for Bush. Although Ross didn’t win a state or secure one electoral vote, he secured 18% of the vote, which I’m confident included one of my sisters.
Clinton coasted to victory. He flipped 22 states to the Democratic side. The list is a who’s who of states that would never vote for a Democrat now. Despite winning only 43% of the vote, Clinton topped Bush by more than five million votes.
The 2021 OKH Presidential Ranking:
Clinton sneaked in as a top-tier president at 15. He wasn’t as progressive as the GOP projected him to be. He was under constant investigation and even impeached for lying about his continued infidelity in the White House. His wife got the worst of it. Thirty years of hostility toward her played a massive role in denying her the presidency in the 2016 election. She got screwed.
Why Did I Rank it Here:
I was heavily invested in this election. If I could go back and talk to 16-year-old me, he’d probably tell me I ranked this too high. But I’m older now, so here we are.
I had a great week. On Tuesday, I voted in the DC Democratic primaries, where I voted for President Biden even though he signed a bill overturning laws that our Council had passed. I’m grateful to have the opportunity to back down on my convictions.
The weekend is here, and I hope it is relaxing and refreshing for everyone. Thanks for your continued support. I’ll see you on Monday.
Okay,
Chris
