Walk Him

The Maundy Monday Newsletter - This Week in History October 21 - 27.

Baseball abruptly ended for the year on Saturday when your Cleveland Guardians were defeated by the No-Good, Cheating New York Yankees in the American League Championship Series.

If you know anything about baseball, you know a home run is the most valuable play in the game. When a batter hits the ball over the outfield field wall, there is no chance to cause an out, and at least one run scores.

You can score up to four runs (called a Grand Slam) when people are on base. If you could, you’d want to hit as many home runs as possible and limit the number of home runs your opponents get—a pretty simple concept.

The No-Good, Cheating New York Yankees possess multiple players who can hit the baseball over the outfield wall. Their number 2, 3, and 4 batters combined for 126 total home runs during the 2024 season. Guardians 2, 3, and 4 batters totaled 84 home runs. The deficit between the two teams equals the average home runs per Yankee batter.

Keep this data piece in mind.

The Yankees and the Guardians have played many playoff series, with the Yankees usually winning because they are No-Good and they Cheat. They have one player, their designated hitter, who only hits home runs when he plays the Guardians in the playoffs.

I’m not kidding. The player – let’s call him DeGuyLo Satan, had six home runs against Cleveland before the 2024 ALCS began. He has no other hits. Not a single or double off the wall. Just home runs.

In game three, Satan had a hit. The ball went over the fence for another home run.

This is an essential piece of data.

Not all No-Good, Cheating New York Yankees are home-run hitters or even remotely threatening at the plate. You would want to face more of them, even if it meant having players on base, like walking DeGuylo Satan and putting him on first. This would prevent him from hitting a home run, which has been a really annoying habit of his.

When the Guardians had an opportunity in game four to walk Satan, they decided not to. He then hit the ball to the International Space Station, and the No-Good, Cheating Yankees won the game.

In game five, the opportunity to walk Satan was up again. With data points in games three and four that DeGuylo would probably hit a home run, the Guardians decided to pitch to him. Satan proceeded to hit that ball so far and so hard that it took out a Russian tank division. The Guards surrendered, and baseball is now over.

Now look, my baseball career ended after my sophomore year in high school. I’m not a major league manager. Perhaps there is a perfectly sound reason not to walk a guy who treats playoff games like his personal home run derby.

I doubt that reason exists.

The No-Good, Cheating New York Yankees move on to the World Series.

I hope the Dodgers walk Satan and then kill them.

Okay, let's highlight what else happened this week. As a reminder, these events celebrate their anniversary, ending in 5 or 0. Here's what I got:

1.      Thomas Edison invented the light bulb on October 21, 1879. The world-famous inventor was born in Ohio but eventually moved to New York City, where he invented even more stuff. Now, everyone associates him with New York City. The guy probably forgets his Ohio roots. But then again, he’s dead, like the Guardians 2024 season.

2.      The Guggenheim Museum opened on October 21, 1959. The contemporary art museum was founded by Solomon Guggenheim, who was born in Pennsylvania, east of Cleveland, Ohio. He, too, moved to New York. I don’t know why. I’ve never been to the Guggenheim, but I think the Cleveland Museum of Art is better.

3.      The Boston Red Sox won the World Series on October 27, 2004. After trailing 3-1 to the No-Good, Cheating New York Yankees in the ALCS, the Boston Red Sox roared back to win the series 4-3. They would win the World Series, their first title in 86 years. Boston became the first team to rally from such a deficit, a feat not repeated in Cleveland this week. Cleveland did lose a 3-1 lead in the 2016 World Series to the Chicago Cubs, a team that hadn’t won a World Series in over 100 years, because why not? I’m fine. Are you fine? Everything’s fine.

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By the time you read this, I’ll be getting ready to tee off for a round of golf for work. I have a tough job that requires me to play a game I enjoy and talk to people I like on a pleasant day.  

Since I’m in a mood, I’ll publish an edition of Even More Okay this Wednesday. It will be accessible to everyone because everybody needs to know how I feel about something that has pissed me off the past couple of weeks.  

This means we will have three lessons this week. I hope everyone is okay with that!

I’ll see you on Wednesday, and we will all calm down on Friday when we rank another election.  See you soon!

Thanks for reading.

Okay,

Chris

Blue enjoyed some park time yesterday.