War With England: Part II
War With England: Part II
We declare a second helping of War with Britain on this day in 1812. Come read a quick and simple take on the Whatever War of 1812.
War With England Part II – The War of 1812 was declared by Congress on this day, June 18,…let me check the notes here for the year…
Declared on…where is the year…I know I saw it around here somewhere.
Ah, yes. June 18, 1812.
Someone Call Sterling Cooper, Please
Who came up with the branding of this war? The War of 1812 suggests it was fought between January and December of 1812. That, my friends, is what we call, in the biz, false advertising.
Did anyone suggest bringing in a marketing consultant to flush out some names?
The War With England: Back for More – sounds good.
Battling Britain, Baby – perhaps.
Endgame – because everyone would at least watch. And ultimately, that's what it was.
Anyway, having dispatched His Royal Highnesses Redcoats just a mere 29 years prior, disputes with the Corgi Kingdom continued into the 19th century. Since the atomic bomb hadn’t yet been created, we went right back to the good old days of muskets and cannons to kill each other.
Like a Sock Drawer
This war is a complete mess. We know when it began. When did it end? Don't ask Andrew Jackson; he'll tell you it was after the Battle of New Orleans, which was fought in January 1815.
The Treaty of Ghent, of Ghent, Belgium, was signed on Christmas Eve, 1814. However, it wasn't ratified until February 1815.
What did we fight over? Just shout out an answer; it's probably a good one.
Borders, perhaps? That pretty much went unchanged. I guess we did get Maine. Oh, and a new White House, since the Brits burned down the original.
Oh yeah, we got the Star-Spangled Banner out of this. Even though Canada’s national anthem is better.
But let’s return to the White House burning down. The British burned down the entire city. How are we not Britain's? How do you lose a war when you sack the capital of the opposition?
Did anyone study this war in school? I don’t remember it at all.
I guess the British were fighting Napoleon in Europe and decided to blockade the Americans who were upset about something. The Redcoats would also form alliances with Indians to prevent American expansion and protect the maple syrup in Canada.
Can you imagine two people going on a date in like 1825? Guy and gal are sitting in a pub. Guy asked her about her family.
“Well, my pa was killed in battle.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry. Which battle?”
“The Battle of Queenston Heights.”
“Queenston Heights?”
“Yes, it’s near Niagara Falls.”
“Oh. Which war was this?”
“The War with England: Back for More War.”
“Oohhhhh, the War of 1812.”
“Yes.”
“Your father died fighting over Niagara Falls?”
“Yes.
“Huh.”
“Yep.”
/scene.
Also, neither side prepared for this war. It's like two people kept arguing about running a half marathon and who could do it faster, then one day, woke up and tried to run one, got in about two miles, and gave up.
By 1815, everyone was tired, so finally, someone said uncle, and peace was drawn up. But, unfortunately, by that time, around 15,000 Americans had died.
Aftermath
What came out of this? Besides a song.
We finally kicked Britain's warships out of the Great Lakes. That's pretty good.
Amazingly, this nothing-burger of a military conflict produced four presidents. There is William Henry Harrison. The aforementioned Jackson. John Quincy Adams negotiated the Treaty of Ghent, and James Monroe was Secretary of State. Incredible.
That’s all you need to know about the Whatever War of 1812.
Could you come up with a better name for the War of 1812 and beyond?