Confession of a Virgin
A Supreme Court nominee discusses his virginity because it's evidence.
Is it fair to be judged on something you did when you were a teenager? Especially when you are trying to become a judge? I guess the answer lies in how much you like the word “depends.”
What happens when you work for the United States government, rising slowly up the ranks of power and influence to the point where a sitting Supreme Court Justice is hinting that you replace him as a condition for that Justice to retire, when, someone from your teenage years accuses you of doing something terrible to them, right before you are set to become the next Supreme Court Justice?
Well, if your name is Brett Kavanaugh, you push through, knowing the numbers work in your favor, and a strong defense will help you cross the finish line.
In this latest edition of the Okay History Scandals ranking, we look at the confirmation hearing of a man who, when seeking one of the highest offices in the country, had to overcome a person and an incident from his past that he probably never saw coming. And use a defense none of us could have imagined.
Let’s dive in.
# 34. The Brett Kavanaugh Confirmation Scandal
Introduction
In 2016, D-list actor Donald Trump ran for president on a platform that he would only nominate judges from a list of people he had never heard of or met in his life because someone had presented them as people who would help him get elected.
Trump would go on to win the election partly because his opponent was a woman who mishandled classified information, which is hilarious if you only knew then what you know now. And “hilarious” in that we are all going to die soon, type of way.
The creation of this list of conservative judges is credited to the Federalist Society, an organization that made up a legal theory when interpreting the United States Constitution, essentially suggesting: let’s understand how people felt when they passed the law.
Brett Kavanaugh was a late addition to the list, like a forgotten invitee to a party. It was only after Supreme Court Associate Justice Anthony Kennedy met with Candidate Trump and suggested that his former law clerk Brett be considered. Once Trump agreed, Kennedy hung up his robe because Kennedy thinks, like every member of the Court, that they own their seats and can dictate who succeeds them.
Justice Kennedy’s former law clerk worked for Ken Starr, the Solicitor General under President George W. Bush, and was charged during the long and completely unnecessary investigations of President Clinton and First Lady/Senator/Secretary of State, 2016 Presidential Nominee, Hillary Clinton. Brett spent three years and millions of dollars of our tax dollars trying to figure out if Vince Foster had indeed committed suicide. Where was Elon Musk? (He was creating x.com and wasn’t yet a United States citizen).
As a member of the Federalist Society, Kavanaugh was well positioned for a bright future of screwing over the American people. President George W. Bush gave him that chance when he appointed him to the U.S. Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia Circuit.
After winning a tight confirmation vote, Brett was on his way. But someone from his past would try to stop him from getting any higher.
Background
Fast forward to September 2018, when Brett was the second nominee to the Court in the first Trump administration. It’s wild to write that there was a first Trump administration.
Confirming that anyone associated with President Donald Trump will be a challenge. But never mind that; we needed a white Catholic guy on the bench. I’m a white Catholic guy. No one is nominating me. We don’t even have to pay for moving expenses.
Kavanaugh faced the usual challenging questions posed by the opposing party. His opening statement praised his parents, his daughters, and his favorite pro sports teams. His wife didn’t make the cut.
There was testimony from a school shooting survivor, law clerk friends, marathon runner buddies, and a guy from the Nixon administration. All of that paled in comparison to who came next.
Enter Dr. Christine Blasey Ford. She arrived on the scene with a powerful story about Kavanaugh four days before the committee was supposed to vote on sending Kavanaugh to the Senate for a full vote.
Dr. Ford had written a letter to California Senator Diane Feinstein telling her that Kavanaugh sexually assaulted her at a home during a summer night while she and Brett were in high school.
This blew up, and now Ford and Kavanaugh would testify.
Ford and Kavanaugh grew up in Washington, DC, where they attended private schools. Kids, of course, have parties, and teenagers can get out of hand. But Dr. Ford said Brett went beyond that. It included his friend Mike Judge, who would go on to write books about how drunk he was for most of his life, and how both of them grabbed Ford and pinned her down on a bed, where Brett did some disgusting things.
Kavanaugh would defend himself and testify that he was a virgin in high school and “many years after that.” I mean, like, I would love to be a Supreme Court Justice for the rest of my life; I’m just not sure I would make that public pronouncement. Brett also stated having no recollection of the night in question.
So to recap, Brett knew he hadn’t gone all the way at the time of the party, but he didn’t know that he tried really hard once.
Thankfully, members of the committee agreed that the FBI needed to supplement the investigation into the Kavanaugh in light of the news he did not have sex in high school and few years after that, which didn’t make the original report they submitted to the committee.
This is where things got wild.
As the FBI investigated, it received tips from people telling stories about Brett. The FBI then gave all of this information to the White House, and the White House smothered them with a pillow, killing each one.
Despite the intent of figuring out if there was something genuinely wrong with Brett and the way he handled his virginity as a high school student, we would never know.
Brett went on national television and raged against the accusations that a virgin could have done this.
However, he showed his compassion for Dr. Ford by telling Fox News that he’s sure that Dr. Ford was probably assaulted in her life, but it just wasn’t him. This is where you look at the totality of this guy’s Catholic upbringing and ask yourself, “Where did we go wrong?”
To add to his defense, Kavanaugh would later use the entire 7th and 8th grade girls' basketball team as a prop to show that he wasn’t a bad person. I don’t have a daughter, but I can’t imagine agreeing to this request.
After all of this, the committee confirmed Brett’s virginity and sent him to the Senate for a full vote.
Outcome
Kavanaugh was confirmed 50-48, by almost party lines. One Democrat, West Virginia's Joe Manchin, voted to confirm, while one Republican, who still lives around the corner from our house, voted no (but later withdrew). A senator from Montana was absent from the vote because his daughter was getting married.
Conservatives are happy to have Brett as a member of the Court. He voted to overturn Roe v Wade, despite his testimony. He’s not as conversative as the unethical Clarence Thomas, but he’s slightly more conservative than the unethical Samuel Alito.
When deciding which cases the court would hear, Kavanaugh leads in rejections of those he wants everyone to weigh in on. One he lost was about protecting churches and their desire to do conversion therapy for people who are gay. His colleagues Thomas and Alito were also pushing to hear this case.
Brett turned 60 last month, making him the sixth oldest member of the Court. Only Justices Gorsuch, Jackson, and Barrett are younger. So this means we will get a lot of post-virginity Brett for years to come. Hopefully, no one will attempt to assassinate him, as some idiot did a few years ago.
Reaction
I happened to meet Brett Kavanaugh during his confirmation process. Before joining the Court, he volunteered every week at Catholic Charities in downtown DC, serving food to the homeless. It was a work trip, and I was with my boss's boss, a guy who took great pleasure in being in the presence of influential people and believed that proximity elevated his status. It was a good time all around.
I was a few people down from Brett in the line because my boss’s boss had to stand right next to him and fawn like a puppy. I remember that seven plain-clothed people were covering Kavanaugh that day. They all stood out, despite not wearing the typical suits. People were there to serve or be served, but these individuals stood around, looking at nothing.
The day was uneventful. I didn’t confront Brett; that would have been inappropriate and potentially deadly. But boy, did I ever have witty verbal barbs racing in my head at the time.
It's unfortunate that Kavanaugh sits on the bench. But that’s my opinion. By all accounts, many people on either side of the aisle approved of his nomination. Even the guy who defended President Clinton during Kavanaugh’s investigation supported Brett.
Okay, so what do you think? Let’s take a poll:
It’s annoying to learn that Kavanaugh’s family is from the same remote county in Ireland as I am. He also has a history degree. My goodness, I don’t like the number of similarities I have with this guy. I’m going to stop.
I’ll see you back here on Monday. Thanks for your support of Okay History. Let me know if you need anything!
Okay,
Chris
I’m not going to lie, I loved the idea of these rankings before #47 got re-elected, but now with the daily barrage of live scandals, it’s overwhelming 🤪