Darn Kids

We take a look at some presidential offspring who cause trouble.

It’s another week, which means it’s another indictment for former president Donald Trump. He has racked up four in a few short months. He collects indictments like baseball cards.

Whenever I have a conversation with someone of the opposite political gang, and the discussion is primarily focused on how often Trump is hauled into court, it inevitably turns to Hunter Biden, the second son of the current president, Joe Biden.

I find this line of thought to be interesting. It’s a visceral reaction in the conversation that goes something like this:

Me: It’s incredible how people can still back Trump, even though some prosecutor somewhere is indicting him every day.

Other person: Well, what about Hunter Biden and his laptop?

That’s usually how it ends because where are you supposed to go with the idea that Hunter Biden, a drug addict, who didn’t pay his taxes, child support, and something about his laptop?

The “whataboutism” of our political conversations has grown from a small sapling to a redwood. We have lost all sense of critical thinking regarding the idea of punishing people proportionally for the crimes they have committed. Instead, we have planted and cultivated strong views that if your side has done something wrong, then it’s obvious the other side has done something just as wrong or worse.

My conversations are with people who are generally intelligent, caring, and thoughtful. But when it comes to pointing out the flaws of the overwhelming Republican presidential nominee, these folks turn into mini-Tucker Carlsons who simply want to ask questions that have nothing to do with the guy who tried to overturn an election.

Hunter Biden entered a plea deal with the Justice Department on tax fraud, gun possession, and, I think, being a weird sex freak. The deal would have allowed Biden to enter a diversion program on the gun charge and provide him immunity on future prosecutions, presumably ones that could be found on his laptop.

Outrage from the right came out quickly. This is the same group of people who demanded special counsel, and once they got it, they continued to flip out because they are performative people who know they can make money by acting like mini-Tucker Carslons.

It will come as no surprise that I am not a legal expert. But I do know the difference that a private citizen who is an idiot and a politician who is also an idiot will have on my life and our country’s future.

Which brings us to another edition of Ask Me Anything.

Reader ECM is back again. This time he emailed me at chris@okayhistory.com asking for a ranking of good and bad presidential kids. I’m just going to stick to the bad ones because that’s more fun.  

So let’s do a quick ranking of the worst presidential offspring. It will be the top 5 and involve only the people I can think of off the top of my head.

Let’s dive in!

5. Jenna and Barbara Bush

The Bush twins loved to drink beer in college while their Dad, President George W. Bush, led us into multiple wars while cutting taxes so we couldn’t pay for those wars. So I can understand why that caused the young women to drink.

Both were cited for underage drinking in their home states of Texas, but the funny story was the one in the summer of 2002 when they were spotted drinking at a Washington, DC, watering hole while just twenty years old.

The funny part was they were caught in a bar called Stetson’s, a place I frequented so much that I eventually worked there to earn extra money to hand back to them when I wasn’t working. I wasn’t an employee at the time of Bush’s visit, but I remember two things:

1. Calling Stetson’s a “Texas-themed” bar because it wasn’t.

2. The owner, Rob, whom I liked tremendously, told the Washington Post in an article immediately published said that he didn’t think he needed a doorman to check IDs because that was too impersonal.

Stetsons had a doorman checking IDs immediately after the article hit the internet machine.

The Bush Twins are at fifth because they owned fake IDs and could have been kidnapped like the one storyline in the West Wing.¹

5. Malia Obama

President Obama’s oldest daughter was caught smoking weed in 2017.² The outrage from the right was so intense that Chelsea Clinton felt the need to chime in and remind everyone that Malia is a private citizen who should be left alone. Presumably, to smoke more weed.

It was still illegal. Like drinking underage is illegal.

So that’s why these two are tied for last. Whataboutism at its finest!

3. Neil Bush

The uncle of Jenna and Barbara and son of President George HW Bush was sued in 1990 for an alleged conflict of interest regulations for failing to stop a Texas-themed bank, Silverado Banking, Saving, and Laon Association, from making improper and illegal loans.³

Neil wasn’t indicted and paid a fine of $50K, while the American taxpayers got hit with a $1 billion bill.

I assume none of that billion went to pay for his brother’s war efforts.

1. Hunter Biden

If you are up on the news, you know that Hunter Biden is a troubled person. He told you about it and wrote a memoir on his drug addiction, which took off after his older brother died of cancer. It got so bad that he even had an affair with his dead brother’s wife, which I cannot imagine what Biden family gatherings were like. You have to be on drugs to shack up with your sister-in-law while married to another person.

Biden also fathered a child with an ex-stripper and claimed he didn’t even know her. But we found out he did, through texts on his laptop. Hunter’s next move was to claim the little girl wasn’t his. But we found out he was through DNA testing. Biden continued to play hardball by agreeing to pay child support, but the girl wasn’t allowed to use the name Biden, which is cruel. Finally, he gave the proceeds of his paintings to the child and even gave her one to keep.⁴

Also, they found cocaine in the White House recently. Hunter was living there, could still be, and everyone doesn’t know how it got there.

Okay.

1. Eric, Ivanka, and Donald Trump, Jr.

You really need to be nasty to be up there with Hunter, and there’s no better group of kids to pull that off than the ones President Trump has fathered.

About a year ago, everyone in New York sued the Trump Organization for fraud. Allegedly the Trump Organization, run by the sons Don Jr. and Eric since 2017, inflated their worth by billions to receive significant tax benefits and secure more loans.⁵

Ivanka and her husband, Jared Kushner, worked in the Trump White House, and when they left, they received $2 billion in investments from the Saudi Royal family. It’s like they were professional athletes or something. If somehow the country loses its collective minds and elects Trump, these two, with their billions, will be back in DC cutting more deals for themselves.

Don Jr. went berserk when the White House cocaine news broke in June. Probably because Don uses the stuff himself and never thought he could bring it in. He’s also big into conspiracy theories, so much so that he keeps bringing ones up from over 30 years ago.

Eric is so dumb that reading Okay History would be a challenge to him.

Being a good person shouldn’t be this difficult, but here we are. Biden and Trump tied for the top.

Whataboutism at its worst!

Suppose you ever find yourself locked into a conversation with a good person who tends to vote Republican, and you can’t resist the urge to comment about the former president’s consistent legal troubles, and that person turns to Hunter Biden. In that case, I suggest pointing out a better example would be to compare his kids.

Share this ranking with them to help them understand.

So there you have it, ECM—a quick ranking of bad, bad, bad, presidential kids. We went from drinking too young and smoking weed to passing out illegal loans, doing cocaine and impregnating strippers, practicing fraudulent accounting, and promoting conspiracy theories. There’s a whole spectrum.

If you like this, please consider hitting the like button. If you want me to answer something, email or comment at the bottom.

Anonymous is back home, and the weekend is here. Summer is winding down, and I’m a little sad about that.

The end of summer does bring me some fun events. It usually means beer league softball playoffs. This season I helped my team win the Green League Championship on Monday. Although I went 1-3 at the plate, I did knock in two runs while getting two putouts in left field.⁶ It is our seventh overall championship, and yes, I’m being totally obnoxious right now.

Check out this winner:

Me standing on Dake Island.

I’m back on Monday, doing our Monday thing. Until then, have a winning weekend, and please stay out of trouble.

Okay,

Chris

If you ever needed a lawyer, Blue is available and dresses the part.

1. I, too, have drunk underage.

2. I, too, have legally and illegally smoked weed. There are no pictures.

3. I have never provided improper or illegal loans to anyone. Allegedly.

4. I haven’t done any of this. Not even allegedly. If I gave you a painting I made, you are within your rights to hit me with your laptop.

5. I have never tried to tell people I am worth more than I am because I could never get away with it.

6. Nobody scores on me.