As we come to the dramatic conclusion of ranking the Amendments to the Constitution, I need to share something personal – I’m a morning person.
It’s a positive spin rather than stating: I don’t stay up late.
I love going to bed and getting up early. I like shutting down my day when the sun goes down, waking up when the sun is still down, and then greeting it when it begins to rise.
What does this have to do with anything?
I’m glad you asked.
As a kid, I never could stay up late to greet Santa. Santa began his job at, like, 9:00 p.m., and there is no way seven-year-old me is going to stay up that late to say hello. By 9:00, I’m already two hours into sleep.
But by 5:00 a.m., I was immediately downstairs to see the goods he had delivered.
Christmas day is the best. In our family, one person delivers all the presents to the other members. It’s all about being efficient. We begin early so we can spend the rest of the day taking naps because we got up so early for no real reason.
I imagine revealing the final top two Amendments feels like Christmas Day to each of you. You all have been so good to me, opening, reading, liking, and commenting on my mediocre takes on the supreme law of our nation. Christmas has come early to you, my friends.
So, without further delay, let’s dive in.
Freedom is the theme of the last two finalists. Sure, freedom is intertwined in many amendments, but my top two involve essential Freedoms – ones that begin with the capital F.
Come on down the stairs and open your early Christmas gift – the top two amendments to the United States Constitution.
Let’s dive in. For real, this time.
2: Amendment XIII
Its purpose: Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except as a punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly convicted, shall exist within the United States, or any place subject to their jurisdiction.
https://constitution.congress.gov/constitution/amendment-13/
Year proposed: 1864
Year Ratified: 1865
The Good:
Slavery in the United States was its unique brand of oppression. It’s sorta like how we don’t use the metric system like everyone else in the world, or how we bestow all of our professional sports teams who win championships the title of being World Champions. We do our own thing.
Our British Overlords had slavery for a long time – that’s where we adopted it. But in Good Ole England, it didn’t matter what your skin color was; they were equal opportunity enslavers. But the English twist was they also worked with the enslaved to ensure they had a path out of it.
But in the United States, we didn’t think like that. We enslaved people based entirely on skin color, and there was no path out. We considered black people property, and from the beginning of our country, we counted them as 3/5th of a person for tax purposes.
Fortunately, not everyone in the United States supported the idea that enslaving people was a justifiable thing. In fact, the Founders of the country went to great lengths to keep the word slave out of the Constitution. Many knew that slavery would be outlawed; they just all hoped they would be long dead before it happened. Fortunately, their wishes came true.
We all know Southern states seceded from the Union beginning in 1860, after the presidential election of Abraham Lincoln, to preserve their heritage of owning other people.
A Civil War ensued, and by 1863, the tide had turned in favor of the Union after the Battle of Gettysburg and Vicksburg over the Fourth of July holiday that year.
These victories enabled enslaved people to flee plantations and join the cause. Over 180,000 black men served in the army, while hundreds of thousands of black men and women provided non-combat support.
We owe enormous gratitude to those who fought for their Freedom while getting paid less and taking on risky assignments that could send them back into shackles. It’s because of them that in two short years, the United States abruptly ended its horrific acts of violence. (I won’t call slavery our original sin; that would be reality television, but slavery is a big stain on our history.)
If you want to read more about these men's bravery, check out my piece from a few years ago on the movie Glory!
The Bad:
When you read the amendment, you notice after the first comma the word except. Commas can be tricky, especially in this instance where the word except is very bad – because you are ending slavery.
The word except here created a massive loophole that allowed terrible punishments for a crime that focused on forced labor – chain gangs, license plate factories, everything you saw in The Shawshank Redemption. Somehow, none of this was cruel and unusual, probably because it helped capitalism.
Black people, while freed from slavery, except when it came to punishments for crimes, were subjected to social injustice for centuries.
The Ugly:
Willard Salsbury, Sr. was born to a prominent Delaware family. It might shock you to learn that the Salsburys were slaveholders.
Willard was a known drunk, which made him a prominent drunk. He once got hammered and stepped onto the Senate floor to call President Lincoln an imbecile and then proceeded to pull a gun on the Senate’s Sargent-At-Arms, who tried to calm him down and escort him out.
But it was during the debate on the Thirteenth Amendment that Salsbury went to town.
He loved states' rights so much that he longed for the day the United States would return to the Articles of Confederation because that worked well, Willard.
He claimed that enslaved people were property and the Government couldn’t regulate property. Finally, in the most audacious interpretation of both-siderism, Salsbury claimed that Northern abolitionists and Southern slavery “fire-eaters” drove the country into the Civil War because, somehow, they worked as “cooperators and coworkers in the same damnable cause.”
Booze is one hell of a drug.
Who proposed it?
Ohio Congressman James Ashley.
Ashley was an abolitionist from childhood when he saw boys his age being sold and marched with chains to be taken into the Deep South.
By 1839, he worked on riverboats that ran up and down the Mississippi River, and his side hustle was helping enslaved people escape to the North.
He was a journalist who believed in the freedom of the press to criticize the Government, and he decided what better way to criticize the Government than by joining the Government and making change happen.
Asley pushed this amendment through, and then he would draw up articles of impeachment against President Andrew Johnson.
I need to learn more about this guy because he sounds okay.
Why did I rank it here?
I got into History as a kid because of Andrew Jackson and the Civil War. Mark Twain’s Huckleberry Finn had a lasting impression on me when I watched it as a kid on those after-school television specials because there’s no way I read it.
When you rank the amendments, the Thirteenth Amendment needs to be right up there because it also has other vital innovations that shaped our country.
First, it expanded the power of the Federal Government. There is a second section of the amendment that reads:
Congress shall have power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation.
We see this power explicitly written in later amendments. The power to pass laws over the states is an essential shift in how our Government works.
We also see a restriction placed on people for the first time. You can’t be an enslaver in the United States anymore. It can’t be your main job or your side hustle. You can’t describe yourself as an Oppressor on LinkedIn.
The Bill of Rights was created to protect people from the Government—the Eleventh and Twelfth Amendments corrected wrongs about suing the Government and electing the executive office. However, the Thirteenth Amendment prevented people from doing bad stuff while giving Congress the power to create laws to enforce them.
We saw that immediately with the Civil Rights Act of 1866, which Johnson vetoed, then Ashley went after his butt. There would be no Civil Rights Act ever without this amendment. It would be a top amendment, except for that word.
Okay, let me know what you think of my ranking.
Like Abraham Lincoln and the state of Montana, I present the number 1 Amendment of the United States Constitution!
Let’s Dive in.
1: Amendment I
Its purpose: Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.
https://constitution.congress.gov/constitution/amendment-1/
Year proposed: 1789
Year Ratified: 1791
The Good:
The freedom to practice your religious belief is easily the most important freedom to me. I happen to believe that the son of a carpenter who lived in Israel about two centuries ago and spoke of love, kindness, humility, and generosity was eventually executed by the state but rose from the dead three days later to save all of us from hell, is God.
Perhaps you believe something else, which is totally okay. That’s how this should work: we live in a country that doesn’t require you to believe a certain thing to be a citizen.
Faith is the most personal gift we have. Even if you don’t believe there is a God, that’s still a faith dogma, and it’s yours, and I wouldn’t want to live in a country that got away from it. We’ve elected real and self-proclaimed Christian presidents every single chance we've had. I’m okay if we ever want to mix it up in the future. Maybe that would be a good idea.
Anyway, Freedom from religion or away from religion is a good thing.
The Bad:
The debate on banning the establishment of religion will always be with us, like Wham’s Last Christmas during the holidays.
Now that the song is in your head, don’t be distracted by what’s happening with our country regarding this issue. (Don’t let the words and music make you lose focus because that’s what they want)
Since the 1960s, the court has struck down mandatory prayer and reading the Bible in public schools, and that has been met with backlash from conservatives trying to reverse it.
Look, I love prayer and reading the Bible. I’m reading the second book of Samuel right now, which means I have been reading the second book of Samuel for the last three years. I’m at the part where David is in charge, which is ironic since quite a few American Christians think Donald Trump is the new David. I would disagree with that assessment.
I also wouldn’t force prayer and the Bible on kids. These things should be couched as invitations – like I invite you to my house for a Christmas Party and we listen to Last Christmas by Wham.
But this debate will never end because it is a core belief for many of us- either there should be a wall of separation, or this country needs to remember its Christian roots.
It’s fun debating topics like this, isn’t it? Politics, Religion, Wham’s break up?
Instead, let’s give each other our hearts and hope that the very next day, they don’t give away.
The Ugly:
Citizens United vs. Federal Election Commission.
Six words that make my blood boil.
In 2002, Congress passed the McCain-Feingold Act, limiting corporations from spending money on elections. President George W. Bush signed the bipartisan bill, and it looked like we might be capable of reeling in campaign spending from wealthy corporations, labor unions, and made-up nonprofits.
Eight years later, Citizens United, a made-up nonprofit, wanted to promote ads close to the Democratic primaries that would be critical of Hillary Clinton, a leading candidate.
They were denied, so they sued. It made it to the Supreme Court, which ruled 5-4 that corporations were, in fact, people who could speak and that whatever amount of money they wanted to dump into the system was protected speech.
This is an unbelievable decision. The fallout from this has supercharged money that has been injected into our political and voting process. With no oversight, there are now SUPER Political Action Committees pushing their agenda on people who like reality TV and Wham Christmas songs.
It got so bad that ten years later, presidential candidate Mitt Romney once said, “Corporations are people too, my friend.”
A religious guy, Romney. I wonder if he knows of any corporations reading the Bible.
Who proposed it?
James Madison.
Madison wrote the First Amendment to establish the basic foundations of what a republican form of Government should look like. People should be free to think, assemble, criticize, believe, talk, whatever, without government interference. It’s a brilliant move to state all of these first.
Just a side note: I’m taking a break from talking about Madison for a while. I think we have all earned it.
Why did I rank it here?
Anonymous and I went to see Josh Radnor, the guy from How I Met Your Mother, perform at a local concert venue last week. He’s now a songwriter and singer. Anonymous thought he needed the money. The guy is worth about $30 million, so that’s not it, and it’s a good thing, too.
His first song was very good and set the mood for the night; it would be funny and clever, and you wouldn’t regret spending the evening listening to him.
It was a strong opening. It was upbeat and catchy, and you were ready for more. When you go to concerts, the first song is usually pretty good. I don’t go to many concerts because they happen at night, but that’s what I remember about the ones I attend. I’m sure Wham opened their concerts with Wake Me Up!
The First Amendment, to me, is a strong opening.
But like Josh Radnor, our Amendments fell off almost immediately after, say with the Second one. I’m not sure what Josh was going for with his music, a 21st-century reinvented Bob Dylan perhaps, but he isn’t worth seeing unless you watched HIMYM and think it would be cool. I never really watched the show because it came on late.
Anyway, fundamental freedoms of religion, speech, assembly, and press are all things that made fighting for the Thirteenth Amendment and others worth fighting for.
I can’t think of a better beginning to a country that invites you to worship the way you want, to say what you want about the Government that We the People collectively created and allowed to mess up. We can still change everything, but I would do nothing to change the First Amendment that got us started.
Okay, let me know what you think of my ranking.
There you have it – we completed year three of ranking stuff. Way to go, everybody! We did it!
I hope you enjoyed this journey of ranking the amendments. Like ranking the presidents and the states, it’s been a fun trip to learn more about our country’s past.
I’d love to know what you learned over the past year. I learned a ton during this process, making it so much fun.
Speaking of fun, 2024 promises to be Even More Fun as I will begin to work on the next set of rankings that will be educational and, from time to time, depressing. But hey, that’s history for you.
Anonymous, Blue, and I begin our travels tomorrow to see family in Ohio for Christmas, just down the street from where Josh Radnor grew up actually. Then, when we come home to DC, we need a bit of a break. This is all to say that there will be no Maundy Monday Newsletter on Christmas Day.
You just got your present, people.
Seriously though, from the bottom of my heart, thank you. Thank you for supporting my work, especially those I have never met. I love my friends and family who subscribe, but it is humbling knowing that there are people out there who find me somewhat entertaining and informative.
From our family to yours, we wish you the happiest of holidays, and I will be back soon, so you don’t immediately forget about me and Blue.
Okay,
Chris
A quick update: removal of the Confederate Memorial at Arlington cemetery has moved forward after a stay from a judge earlier this week.
If you want to read about my experience to see this memorial before they took it down, check out my first edition of Even More Okay – it’s behind a paywall for those who have generously supported my work financially.
To be clear, everyone who reads my stuff is being generous. Super generous. I give you my heart because you are special.
Peace.
And so ends another great year of rankings.... Your top two were spot on. Thanks for keeping me entertained every Monday and Friday morning!
Dear Cris: Feliz Navidad to you and fam. Jack,I, John Patrick,Caroline and Tommy are going to Baharin (in the Persian Golf) to visit Tom and Fam. have fun do not let anything interfiere with your fun or to your family’s fun.Much love ❤️ I will tell you about the place when we come back. 🎄🎶🙏🥰🐪❤️