The relationships we have in our lives usually fall into a few categories. We have family relationships, mostly because we were born into them, but we also have unique relationships where you choose to be family. We have romantic relationships, close friendships, and some that are distant. Work relationships can go in many different directions, which is why I have adopted more distance when becoming “friends” with colleagues. It’s not that I don’t like the people I work with, but I think I have enough friend relationships that I’m not going to hang out with you outside of office hours.
I have a special relationship with Blue. He’s my best boy, and I love him very much, and he loves me because I take him out for walks and feed him regularly. We have an equal relationship with Anonymous in that we’re both expensive to live with.
We can also have passing relationships, like the one I’m having with an oral surgeon who removed a cyst from under one of my front teeth (#9) two weeks ago. The surgeon is a University of Michigan graduate. Our relationship could be deemed complicated because I grew up in Columbus, Ohio, and consider myself a Buckeye fan. Therefore, I have an imaginary rivalry with a guy who cut open my mouth and removed tissue to make sure it wasn’t cancer. It’s entirely silly, but I couldn’t help bringing it up each time we met. Fortunately for me, Dr. Anderson is incredibly good at his job and equally gracious, and he understood our relationship was doctor-patient.
Thankfully, that meant that I had to shut up during the important part.
The relationship dynamic in the executive branch of the federal government between the president and vice president is also complicated. The underboss is usually picked or, in earlier cases, was chosen by the party for electoral purposes. But there is no confusion as to who is in charge. The vice president’s job is to be ready if the president dies and to be the scapegoat for failed presidential positions, like what we’ve seen in the past two administrations with Harris and immigration, and Vance with the Iran War.
In this latest edition of vice president rankings, we take a look at two guys who landed in the number two spot and then, due to overall poor relationships with a lot of people, lost their number two spot or never had the chance to become number one and faded into history, never to be remembered until the emotional and sensitive historical humorist highlights their tenure.
Let’s dive in.
38: Henry Wallace
33rd Vice President
Term – January 20, 1941– January 20, 1945
Presidential Administration: Franklin D. Roosevelt’s third term (Okay History 2021 Presidential Ranking: 7)
The Good:
Wallace was a progressive who supported FDR’s New Deal policies. He was born in Iowa and served as Secretary of Agriculture and Commerce before moving into a job with far less responsibility, yet it still looked like a promotion. Don’t believe me, as Secretary of Agriculture, he had a budget of like a billion dollars and had almost 150,000 people who reported to him. As VP, he had about $10 to work with and four people to make sure they could find him in case FDR died, which – spoiler alert – he did.
The Bad:
Wallace’s path to the vice presidency began in the Republican Party, with a stop in the Bull Moose Party, before he landed in FDR’s good graces. That didn’t make him too popular with party head honchos when it came to his loyalty to party ethos.
He also treated his faith the same way he treated his political party affiliation – he dabbled in Catholicism, Judaism, and some other stuff I never heard of. He also had a weird relationship with Nicholas Roerich, a Russian artist who looks like he starred in a Quentin Tarantino movie:
Wallace was attracted to Roerich’s mysticism, as it were, and the way he looked at life and how to solve problems during the height of the Great Depression. That weirdness spooked a lot of people.
Did he become president?
He did not. Too many people in power didn’t like him, and Harry Truman replaced him on the 1944 ticket, where they clobbered the Republican challenger by three million votes. Truman, of course, would go on to become president shortly into that term.
In keeping with his personal brand, Wallace left the Democratic Party to challenge Truman for the presidency in 1948, but never came close to unseating him. He left Washington, DC and took up residence on his New York farm.
Why did I rank him here?
Wallace was labeled as someone with an affinity for the Soviet Union, advocating restraint at the beginning of the Cold War. Perhaps understanding the new world order of the nuclear bomb, he did not want to see the United States/Soviet Union escalate to that level. Regardless, party leaders weren’t comfortable, and getting the boot can’t mean that you were ever great at your job.
37: George Clinton
4th Vice President
Term – March 4, 1805 – April 20, 1812
Presidential Administration: Thomas Jefferson’s second term (Okay History 2021 Presidential Ranking: 4) & James Madison’s first term (Okay History 2021 Presidential Ranking: 16)
The Good:
Clinton was a founding father of the country – who fought in the Revolutionary War with great honor, including advocating for a reward to anyone who assassinated King George III. Thank you for your service.
The Bad:
George wasn’t a fan of the Constitution. In fact, he led the opposition as an Anti-Federalist who clashed with the Federalists over how the federal government would be set up.
When he served as VP, he also broke a tie and killed the rechartering of the First Bank of the United States, a pet project of President Madison. Not that Madison chose Clinton, but it must sting when the vice president decides to smother an essential administration initiative with a pillow.
Did he become president?
He did not. However, Clinton has quite a few distinctions. He is the only person to receive electoral votes in six separate presidential elections. He never won, unlike me – when I won seven elections, never losing once, because I was so popular. Clinton’s nephew challenged and lost to Madison in the 1812 election.
George is also one of two men who have served as vice president under two different presidents.
Finally, George Clinton is the first vice president to die in office. He suffered a heart attack and was originally buried in DC, before we dug him up and sent him back to his home state of New York, where he holds the distinction of being the second longest-tenured governor in history.
Why did I rank him here?
Clinton was a heavyweight in early America, but he never made it over the hump; instead, he’s known for obstructing and taking time off.
It’s been a wild few weeks for me. I have been reflecting on the various relationships in my life. For someone who is sensitive and emotional, each relationship triggers something within me.
There’s been so much frustration, anger, acceptance, laughter, tears, and confusion that it feels like there are no defined walls to keep these feelings in one place – there’s nowhere to hide, not at work, at home, anywhere. It’s like I’ve been carrying multiple bags of emotion, and they all broke at the bottom at the same time and have spilled everywhere. I’ve been trying to pick up a few things, and I’m learning to let go of others, but mostly I’m holding on to the ones that bring me joy.
I guess the important thing to remember about relationships is that they’re things in your life you accept freely, even if they feel like they are thrust upon you because you need to afford expensive hobbies or buy eggs. We all have to navigate our relationships as best we can.
Okay! Thanks for the continued support. Let me know what you think of the latest rankings or my emotional status. I’ll be back on Monday – with a very important Maundy Monday Newsletter that you do not want to miss!
Okay,
Chris
I would’ve ranked George Clinton much higher, mainly for his role in the founding of Parliament Funkadelic and his small but critical role in the 1994 cult classic film PCU.