Bottle & Gavel
Drinking is not healthy. Drinking in a position of made-up authority is not great either.
After spending a week at the beach where every day happy hour began around 3:30, what better subject to jump back into ranking the vice presidents of the United States by focusing attention on the relationship two of them had with booze?
Like waking up from a long stupor, here’s a quick reminder of the gentlemen we have ranked already:
There’s the current occupant.
We ranked Nixon and Agnew – the Enforcers, then Mondale and Cheney for their ability to count, next was Calhoun and Quayle with their dumbness and disagreeable attitude, and finally Breckinridge and Andrew Johnson for being on the wrong path to history.
Now that we have our act together, we will focus on two number twos who spent a lot of time downing drinks that were at least two fingers. Andrew Johnson would also fit into this criteria, but fortunately for us, we just grabbed another Vice President Johnson, who fit the bill better.
So with that and this being a mid–Saturday afternoon drop, well enough time to shake off any cobwebs from the night before, and just in time for today’s happy hour - let’s dive in.
42: Daniel D. Tompkins
6th Vice President
Term – March 4, 1817 – March 4, 1825
Presidential Administration: James Monroe’s term (Okay History 2021 Presidential Ranking: 14)
The Good:
Like most vice presidents ranked this early, Tompkins made his mark on the country before ascending to the VP gig. He was elected to the House of Representatives and served as Governor of New York – where he personally bankrolled the state militia in the Second War with England.
One good thing Daniel did was randomly add the initial “D” to his name. Why? His mother said it was to distinguish him from other Daniel Tompkins of the day, which apparently were a lot of them. Makes you wonder what the “D” stood for?
Was it Daniel Day Tompkins? Or Daniel Damn Tompkins? Perhaps it was something more elaborate – like Daniel Don’t Ask Me What the D Stands for Thompkins.
Just saying – I dig the creativity.
The Bad:
Tompkins was the president of the Senate during an important time when his boss had an entire Doctrine named after him – one that promoted the idea that the United States had the right to expand west and create more states. The thing was, we still had slavery, and that begged the question – should these new states allow slavery or not? The discussion in the Senate was intense, and having a VP sit there and make sure everything stays on task is important.
Except Tompkins couldn’t pull that off very well. Why? Because of the booze and because he was suing the country to pay him back for the money he poured into the militia to fight the Second War with England. This compounded issue made travel and staying in DC financially nonviable, so Tompkins spent a lot of time back in New York, drinking and suing.
Despite his absence, the country reached the Compromise of 1820, which admitted Maine and Missouri.
Did he become president?
There is no President Tompkins for a variety of reasons. But the most important one was the fact that Tompkins died three months after leaving the office, presumably due to stress and booze. He was 50. Don’t forget, I’m also 50.
Why did I rank him here?
Tompkins is buried in Staten Island (Tompkinsville is named after him). I’ve never been there, but I’m sure it’s great. But if you are buried in Staten Island and there is a ranking involved – you are not going to be very high. There’s a policy about this somewhere in the Okay History ranking guidelines.
41: Richard Johnson
9th Vice President
Term – March 4, 1837 – March 4, 1841
Presidential Administration: Martin Van Buren’s term (Okay History 2021 Presidential Ranking: 28)
The Good:
You aren’t the worst Johnson on this list! Unfortunately for Dick here, he isn’t the best either.
Seriously, well, as serious as we can be, the best thing about Vice President Richard Johnson was that he owned a pub in Kentucky. When the Panic of 1837 hit the country, he hightailed it out of Washington, DC, back home to open a tavern and spa and make himself some money.
He stayed there for nine months. Makes me think Dan Quayle would have been better off staying back in Indiana and maintaining a pizza joint.
The Bad:
Part of the way Johnson rose to power and influence was convincing people he killed Tecumseh in the Battle of the Thames. Not many historians back him, and it’s a good thing I‘m not one either, because I probably would add my name to the list of professionals who wouldn’t believe him.
But in general I was a fan of Tecumseh, and not a fan of anyone who celebrates killing him.
Did he become president?
While VP, Johnson would cast a tie-breaking vote 14 times. And for all but one, he kept his mouth shut about his reasons, which tended not to appeal to those who wish to select the next president at the next national convention. The election of 1840 eventually went to the general who defeated the Tecumseh-led Indigenous people confederacy at another battle. Of course, we know the ending here: William Henry Harrison only lasted a month, and his successor shaped how presidents succeeded in these situations with the Tyler Precedent and the Constitutional Amendment that came with it.
Also, it was widely known that Johnson had taken a black enslaved woman as his wife. Not in any legal sense, but people back then, especially in Kentucky, did not look favorably on that type of decision-making, whether it was legal or not. Johnson added to the issues by wearing some outrageous outfits. Which I have to admit is really funny.
Why did I rank him here?
I’ve probably ranked Richard Johnson way too harshly, considering the entire “go back home to Kentucky while the country burns in economic disaster to make money selling booze” thing that defines his tenure. Add the entire fashion diva he became after he left office, and perhaps I’ll look back on this decision with regret.
It feels good to be back on the horse, as it were. Hope you didn’t completely black out from remembering we are ranking vice presidents. We just stumbled along for a few months, trying to get our bearings.
Okay, enough of the drinking analogies.
Let me know what you think the middle initial “D” for Daniel Tompkins’ name stood for. Or what you think Richard Johnson’s pub was named?
Wrong answers only, please.
Have a great weekend. I’ll see you on Monday. Thanks for your continued support of my habit of ranking stuff and helping us all learn something.
Okay,
Chris
